Thursday, June 24, 2010

You may have already figured this out

but in case you hadn't, I am a total flake.  Probably the most irresponsible person you will ever meet.  I am late for everything.  I say things and then never do them.  I intend to follow through and then completely forget or simply do not have time.  It's either that or I am a total jerk.  And if that's the case, I want you to know that even though I may be a jerk, it's not on purpose.  I'm just super forgetful and constantly overwhelmed and perfectionistic/idealistic.  I have all these ideas in my head and all these things I want to do, but maybe 2% of them actually happen.  Why?  I don't know why exactly.  I have some theories.  Mainly I think it's because I am slow.  My pace is slower than a turtles'.  Also, I absolutely cannot multi-task.  Oh, I know what you're thinking, I'm not good at multi-tasking either.  No, seriously, I'm the worse.  I can only do one thing at a time.  It takes me forever just to respond to emails because I have to have time set aside with no distractions to respond to someone.  And that time is at night after my kids are in bed.  Since the youngest child doesn't go to bed until 11 or 11:30 every night all the things I intended to do after she's asleep don't happen if I've accidentally fallen asleep with her, I forget, I'm too tired, I have to plan a menu, or I have to run to Winco for groceries.

As an introvert I often have fantasies about being alone.  I dream about my sister calling me up and asking if she could take my kids for me for a few days.  Yes, days, not hours.  I want several days.  I have things I've been wanting to do that have been on the list for five years.  My sister's wedding video for instance.   I think I've probably sworn to her at least 30 different times that I would get it to her soon.  Just recently I swore to her that I would have it done by August, gosh, I really hope that happens.  Since I haven't even started it yet we will see.

I need time to organize and get to a place where I feel like I'm in control.  Everyday I wake up and it seems like I am just reacting to the day.  The boy needs a drink of water, the girl doesn't have anything to wear, the baby needs a diaper change, someone needs a bandaid, uh, the kids are fighting about something gotta go see what's going on, the cat threw up in the garage.  Needless to say, I don't cope well with things like this when I am trying to get something done.  So instead of stressing about stuff,  I completely go with the flow.  Probably to a fault.  I say yes to just about everything.  "Mom, can you read me a book?"  I say "sure" even if I'm in the middle of making breakfast.  Before I know it, I've burned the eggs again.

I would say I'm fairly good at dealing with the immediate things around me.  I can be patient because my expectations of doing anything else flew out the window ten years ago.  This is my life.  The good thing about going with the flow is it helps me be happy.  I play with the kids, I stay in the moment,  I love my life, but here's the bad news, the laundry piles up, emails don't get returned, we're completely starving because nobody is in the kitchen making dinner, facebook friends get ignored, real life friends are never seen, the weeds don't pull themselves, and blog posts don't write themselves.

My list of blog ideas is two feet long and growing everyday.  I have too many post ideas and not enough time to write them all.   Last summer we did tons of things we never blogged about.  I have pictures on my computer still waiting for me to write about them.  Is it lame to write about something we did last summer?  I don't know.  I don't think so.  It's on the list of things to do.  I have other ideas, too, but I hesitate to share them in case I never get around to writing and posting them.  How lame is that?

P.S.  It took me 1.5 hours to write this and I was interrupted 13 times.

12 comments:

Letia said...

Wow, I loved your honesty. It gave me some insight into myself. Blog when you can, blog about last year. There are no "rules" you have to follow. At least that is what I am telling myself...

Sue said...

I knew we were great friends, but I didn't know we were that similar! I could have written this entire post about my life (but it wouldn't have been said so well:)
If you ever figure out the formula to be productive and happy, let me know.

ang :o) said...

this made me smile :)

Emi said...

well at least you're honest (and at least you and yourthree kids were on time for dinner while I and my one, were late )

Amanda said...

Letia, thank you for your words. I do love blogging because there are no rules. I just need to remember not to let my own expectations bring me down. I'll just keep plugging along and doing the best I can and hopefully get as many of these posts done as I can. I started a bunch over the weekend so we'll see.

Amanda said...

Sue, we are great friends and we'd be even better friends if I put forth the effort to stay in touch with you and let you know that I care. You are absolutely one of my favorite people and I think about you all the time and I love you so much yet you probably don't even know that since I'm such a flake. I'm so sorry. But I am happy to hear we are so much alike. Let's get together at the reunion and have ourselves a good chat. :)

Amanda said...

Thanks Ang.

Amanda said...

Emi, we were still late. You were just late-ter.

Amanda said...

How is this for irony.....I started making dinner and then I went over to the laptop to check and see if I had any comments to publish on this blog and then I went upstairs to do something and then I started to smell something burning when I remembered, "Oh my gosh, I have scrambled eggs on the stove." Yep. I burned the scrambled eggs.

Amanda said...

The other irony? I would have taken a picture but I've misplaced my camera.

Emi said...

ok that's good- but I left my credit card there ( yup ) I called them. they had it. who's the flake now?

Amanda said...

That's classic flake behavior. I guess Andy's right. I am a bad influence on you. (I told you that dude's never liked me.)